My wallet disappeared the other day. Lost? Stolen? I don’t know. I last remember using it on Friday afternoon to pay for some groceries. The next time I reached for it on Tuesday morning, it was not in my backpack. My Virgo self is pretty compulsive about putting things in the proper place but the wallet was not neatly tucked into the zippered pocket of the small backpack that I use for purse. At first, I brushed it off, thinking it would be in one of the two or three other places that I sometimes have it. It took less than five minutes to realize that it was not going to be that easy. I looked in all the places three times (at least). I engaged another set of eyes to look in all the places because sometimes we don’t see what we are looking for. No luck. I visited the grocery store, phoned the library and the optometrist (where I had been but had not opened the backpack), and phoned the local police department. Nothing. It’s odd to me what an unnerving experience this has turned into.
Once I realized that the wallet was not in its usual place, I was aware of rising panic. It was as if I had unwillingly stepped off the top of a gushing waterfall. The water pitched me forward, not giving me a full chance to get my bearings. Anxiety flooded that free fall and then I hit the rocks. The wallet was not magically appearing and now I was bouncing along sharp edges trying to get a grip. That was the part where I searched and searched and searched, trying to hold on to hope in the same way that my arms and hands tried to hold on to the passing rocks. For at least the next 24 hours, I was consumed with this ride among the rocks. As the time moved forward, the ride became less tumultuous but I became more angry and disturbed.
It does seem as if my reaction was way over the top. After all, no one died, I was not living in a war zone, an earthquake had not shattered my home, there was peanut butter in the fridge. Why the colossal upset? It’s not as if my life were in my wallet. Just pieces of it. Driver’s license, medical insurance cards, AAA card, library card, one credit card, a gift card to the local indie bookseller with a whopping $1.58 on it, a brief hand written list of mantras that help me stay balanced in this crazy world, and maybe $60 in cash. Why such a visceral response?
For two days I was deflated, completely shut down. All mojo had evaporated. I wanted more than anything to take off from life, go be close to the ocean in a world that included as little technology as possible. IRL, I shut myself off from what little social media I engage with and was quiet and withdrawn with my home peeps. Mulling. Stewing. Cursing myself for my apparent carelessness. Blasting the possible unknown stranger who might have picked the wallet up and was potentially planning to steal my identity (or at least charge to my credit card).
The wallet has yet to turn up but I have begun the process of securing new cards and all that. It’s a pain in the ass but I don’t want to wait too long. The credit card is still active because there are automatic payments that need to go through and I am hopelessly hopeful that the wallet will show up. However, I am checking the account several times a day. I’m not as shut down as yesterday nor do I expect, at this point, to ever see that wallet again. I am, however, a fan of hope so there’s that.
Here’s the thing. This experience is oddly asking me to reevaluate a bunch of behaviors. One of the hassles of regrouping is dealing with passwords everywhere and all the angst around on line accounts. That is making me want to get as far away from technology as possible. The experience is suggesting that I reconsider how I use my time (I suppose b/c I have spent way too much time getting things together again). It was a difficult fall/winter with medical issues and I am still dealing with the residual from that. Losing the wallet slammed me bad, made me want to give up. I didn’t have room in myself for one more disappointment/challenge. Yet, I am managing.
I don’t like that I am attached to such things as wallets but that seems to be the way we live now. I have already twice been notified about the ubiquitous “data breach” - most people have had this experience, right? You are notified by some major parent organization that possible bad guys have slices of your important information. You are offered free credit monitoring for a year. Whoop dee doo. Everyone lives with the heretofore unknown calamity of identity theft. Part of life in the modern day. I just keep shaking my head and wondering how I can remove more tensions and personal expectations from my head. As with many dreams, it is far easier day than done.
This experience is not finished with me yet. I suspect there will be more drivel in the days to come. Ideas?
PS: I am still in that place where I can’t walk through the house, yard, or get into the car and NOT be focused on that wallet. Where could it be hiding?
I’m sorry you have to go through this because it sucks!
Anyone would be upset, I would definitely be upset too.
But, I’m sure all the things will be replaced and put back in order, and life will go on.
Hello Gracie, I'll tell you what I have noticed. See if it makes any sense.
I am easy to start up chatting with a stranger, in a coffee shop or even in a checkout line. It is getting more hot, and I drape my jacket over the chair. We're talking more and more, then we finish coffee, get up and pay, and we walk each other out to the car still making that last point. Then off we go, (but my jacket is still on the chair). Well, I have to drive back and get it.
Same when reading a book, I put it down and start talking. Again it stays on the table, and I am off on my next chore. Go back in the afternoon, nobody steals a book.
I lost my wallet one time, for as far back as I can remember, (maybe 30 years)? These days I keep it in my left front pants pocket, down deep. Often I have the phone side-by-side with it. I was buying something, and I registered in my mind when I put the wallet back, it was on top of the phone, not side-by-side. (Pants too tight.) I thought it might be all right.
It was OK when standing, but when sitting (another coffee shop), it evidentially slipped out and was under my chair. I only noticed on arriving home. Of course I went back to those two places. In the first shop the manager even showed me the security camera video. There it was on the counter, and then I put it into the pocket. At the coffee shop they said no one turned in a lost wallet.
I went to two banks and canceled two credit cards. Four cards were in there, in all. Here it is very difficult to get a duplicate drivers license. I had about $13 and there was the phone number of my wife. My wife was out on her business. Later that afternoon the police called her and said who is this guy on the drivers license. Oh, that's my husband. She drove into town to the police station and picked it up.
The police asked her, how does your husband go around with only $3? Evidentially the other $10 was a finders fee. I live in a good place, honest. I don't think that it could happen again.
When I chat, I have learned that I have to be super attentive.
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