Our Best Selves
"We were all so young, you know. We were still our best selves."
From: The Dutch House by Ann Patchett
That line comes toward the end of the book The Dutch House by Ann Patchett. At his point in the novel, characters that the reader has followed through decades of their lives now are afforded the opportunity to reflect on the way their lives have unfolded. To be able to look back on your life's journey strikes me as a remarkable privilege. To be able to link the dots and trace the evolution of a life allows a person the chance to make some sense of their story in a way that they could never make sense of it when they were at the beginning or middle of their story.
"We were still our best selves." Hmmm, that's the part that gets me. Are we our best selves when we are young? I suspect we might be our boldest, most adventurous selves. Maybe. Certainly we are likely to be our most energetic and healthy selves but is that what it means to be "our best selves"? I am inclined to think of youth not so much as "our best selves" but more as our tender, beginning selves. We are rich with ideals and visions. We carry the excitement of novelty and dreams. We are alive with possibility and we are eager to make new connections. All such wonderful gifts and all essential to our well being. But youth is often missing perspective. Of course, how can someone at the beginning really have perspective? You can't see the road you've traveled on if you haven't traveled very far. Nothing wrong with that.
I think my best self has come with time. Not that I am any great prizewinner at this point but I do think that being on the planet, making so many mistakes, living with regrets and disappointments, well, I got something from all that. And the something that I got was being a better person. I'm far from a perfect person but I think all those mistakes built a better person. I am not suggesting that younger people can't be wonderful and loving human beings. They absolutely can be! In fact, most of the young people I know fit that bill. They are my hope for the future. They are good human beings. And, like me, I suspect their even better selves will emerge as the years go by. They will someday look back and wonder if they couldn't have done this or that differently. And they will consider those notions as they move forward along the path. The young people I know are open and curious and their openness and curiosity will lead to even more kindness and insight. They will become their better selves. At least that's what I think happened to me.
Having known you for about 25 years now, I can confidently say that you were a pretty great self when you were younger, too. You were working harder than any other teacher I’ve known (and that’s a very HIGH bar!!) to give our children the best and most generous and kind education possible. And, at the same time, working to be the best human you could be in all the other areas besides career. And your post also reminds me of a refrigerator magnet that you gave me a few years ago. It says “Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards.” So true!
I appreciate these:
“And, like me, I suspect their even better selves will emerge as the years go by.”
And
“The young people I know are open and curious and their openness and curiosity will lead to even more kindness and insight. “
But to tie the beginning to the end, I suspect that the approach to “open and curious” grows, gets bigger and better. We are not less of our better selves as we mature, unless we stop trying.