You are speaking my language! I retired 5 months ago from a career that made me feel my hair was on fire for 28 years! I was driven to succeed, worked hard and often I absorbed other people's problems as if they were my own, just adding some extra stress for good measure. So, I've resisted the suggestions to join, volunteer, sign up, attend, discover, initiated/or experiment (the bungee exercise class left me with bruised ribs for 3 weeks). For now, I just want to wake up when I wake up, check my calendar and revel in the fact that it is empty, walk my dog, drink my coffee and decide what I want to do or not do for that day. I earned this little slice of heaven and I intend to enjoy it until I don't. If and when that day comes, I'll deal with it.
You certainly did earn it and I am glad you are off to a good start. You aren’t the wellness industry’s ideal customer and that’s perfect. You are listening to you and you are an inspiration to many of us. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Yes! Whimsy makes all the difference. I live in a small town that appears to thrive on whimsy - lots of art and a lot of it brings a chuckle. Whimsy keeps things in perspective. Thanks for reading.
Oh my goodness. Like wellness advice, I am inundated with too many opportunities for “good reads”. By sheer luck I saw your posting and now your remarks about the replies. All of it was spot on for me. One facet that has particularly been on my mind is how to navigate relationships with my adult children. Their lives are busy and they act as if they have “forever” to find the right time to visit, to ask interesting questions, to hear what I’m thinking about x, y, or z, to hear how I feel about the loss of friends. I feel grief about lost conversation opportunities slipping away but am also trying not to seem “needy”.
OMG! Same! I love and respect my adult children but, yea, they are busy all the time. I think back often to when I was at their stage in life and I wonder if my parents felt as what? Not really ignored but maybe sort of set aside as I do? Big difference is that I’m one of nine children but I have two. There was always someone on which my parents were focused. Me? Not so much. I’m delighted that my two are responsible and kind and that they have found wonderful partners. I do remember thinking that I had life more or less figured out back then…..little did I really know! I do practice staying in my own lane when it comes to my adult children’s lives. They get to do stuff however they want, no matter what my private thoughts might be. Someday they might understand my position when they are in a similar place🤷🏻♀️. In the meantime, I create a life for myself that leaves plenty of room for them when they need it/want it but also keeps me feeling alive in my own.
Love the character on the bench! What I’ve finally learned at 82 is that I can & will take my time with many daily actions, like finding my keys, getting in and out of my car, not rushing because someone is behind me in the grocery line, or the gas line, or at the cash register or wherever! I live with my son and his two teenage boys. It’s a grand arrangement in many ways. But the 17 yr old told my son that I drive like an old lady. And my son wisely said “Nana IS an old lady!” And I’m happy about that! I have dear friends, fun adventures, long conversations, lots of books to read & movies to see etc. I’m still healthy enough to be up and about, and finally smart enough to go at my own speed! So fun to share our stories here. ☺️ Cheers!
I want to come and be your friend (and your son’s friend - how understanding he is!). YOu sound as if you have got the aging thing down really well. I can follow your example. BTW, I spent some of my career teaching in a multi age classroom (K-2) - such an amazing and rewarding ten years. I am and will always be an advocate for children.
Thank you! Not many if any writers honor our comments. 😊 I loved what you wrote!
And the photo at the end made me laugh.
PS - my mom lived to be almost 94 & she didn’t want to live that long. She didn’t go to the gym. She walked and ate a fairly healthy diet and had a multiple vitamin every morning with her V-8. And, she continued to enjoy her afternoon glass of sherry everyday and her light daily smoking habit. Even so, she wasn’t able to shorten her life with these “bad” habits.
It must have been her genes and all those crossword puzzles she loved to do.
The thing is, the comments that people posted were so valuable to me. So many people put some genuine thought into responding to what I had written. I wanted them to know that I appreciated the time and effort to comment. Their words mattered to me.
I felt like that photo added some whimsy to the piece, right? We have to chuckle. I live in a funky small town that has lots of public art. A lot of it makes me smile. Happy to share.
You nailed it again. Joy and laughter are my two guiding lights. And you have inspired me to start writing again and putting out my thoughts in this platform. Thank you.
"You can't dismiss it. You can't outsmart it. You can only learn to live alongside it." That's the whole truth of it. The grief doesn't interrupt the list. It's what the list gets written on top of.
I appreciate how you’ve captured the detail of your experience without losing the flow of your story. That is what has drawn us here. That’s hard to do.
Thank you Gracie for initiating this discussion. I’d much rather learn from those of us experiencing aging rather some young “expert.” I appreciate the information we have available to us because it offers us choices but it can be a lot to sift through. It’s nice to have a community for sharing information and experiences.
I agree. I love the way you say try on new identities. Then when we realize one doesn’t really fit us — well, oops! Figure out a different one that does. Not sure about after, but we are still living now, so we are still evolving. I enjoy the process, at least most of the time.
I think identity can be transitory. Perhaps our core identity doesn’t change a lot over the course of our lives but there are many sides of ourselves that present over time. Some qualities last a long time and others fade out when they are not needed or not the right fit anymore. I like the process too, most of the time too.
I agree! I’ve enjoyed reading these comments and it really has allowed me to consider some different behaviors. For example, I opted out of the tai chi class this week . I only started going about a month ago but I wasn’t particularly liking it , only going b/c I thought I needed more balance practice and more meditation practice. I’ll do those things on my own when I want to and not when I have to go to a class.
Ugh! Glad to hear you are giving up the class if you don’t like it. I tried yoga many times. I know it’s really good for you, but I really really dislike it. I finally admitted I was not going to be a yoga person. I don’t do true meditation either. Even when I have my reflecting time, I sometimes walk. I think we have to do what actually makes our life better not the prescription of what is supposed to make it better. Not everything is for everybody. Maybe you’re going to become a rule breaker - ha, ha!
Just subscribed and recommended your post. Enjoying your balance of the real challenges of aging along with the benefits. I suspect we're neighbors (almost).
Gracie, I may memorize your last sentence: "What I want is to enjoy the days I have while I have them." And appropoe today is the old Blues lyric: Ya gotta laugh to keep from crying. I love your writing.
Thank you Gracie. I also related to all the learnings. My question is "how open hearted and grace-full" am I being right now about whatever feel compelled to do or be? Political action, exercise, meditation, loving my neighbor, saying yes to my kids for granddaughter care, even grieving...? I love the exercise. Open hearted grace-filled moments. Otherwise it's all hogwash. What a great conversation.
What a wonderful question to ask of yourself! I am struggling today with just the detritus of life. How do I turn that into an open hearted, grace filled moment or day?
I might include two other things. First, a question a friend gave me: for what was I given this thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone else? (I find that it reframes the process of forgiveness to focus on what I might learn.) Second, gratitude. Takes a lot to get to be our age. Thank you for your insights and invitation. More, please.
Yes, Steven, I’m always looking to learn . Sometimes I forget that I have to reframe the question . Not “Why?” But “What is this experience teaching me?”
And gratitude? It goes w/o saying that I have been given so much. Sometimes I get bogged down b/c the day (or the life) isn’t unfolding as I wanted it to. It’s always valuable to pause and name that for which I’m grateful.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I thought of you guys as I walked by your AirB&B this morning. I hope all is well down there!
You are speaking my language! I retired 5 months ago from a career that made me feel my hair was on fire for 28 years! I was driven to succeed, worked hard and often I absorbed other people's problems as if they were my own, just adding some extra stress for good measure. So, I've resisted the suggestions to join, volunteer, sign up, attend, discover, initiated/or experiment (the bungee exercise class left me with bruised ribs for 3 weeks). For now, I just want to wake up when I wake up, check my calendar and revel in the fact that it is empty, walk my dog, drink my coffee and decide what I want to do or not do for that day. I earned this little slice of heaven and I intend to enjoy it until I don't. If and when that day comes, I'll deal with it.
Well said!
Thanks!
You certainly did earn it and I am glad you are off to a good start. You aren’t the wellness industry’s ideal customer and that’s perfect. You are listening to you and you are an inspiration to many of us. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Your article also helped me reevaluate. Thank you. Once question: how did you know about my plaid boxers? Creepy. Lol
Because every cool guy has plaid boxers!
Great reply! Ha!
🤣
lol
I absolutely adore that cat sculpture. That's one of the other things I find helpful in all stages of life that we tend to forget as we age: whimsy.
Yes! Whimsy makes all the difference. I live in a small town that appears to thrive on whimsy - lots of art and a lot of it brings a chuckle. Whimsy keeps things in perspective. Thanks for reading.
YES! Whimsy! And with it laughter…. Author Anne Lamott says “laughter is carbonated holiness”! So true!
Oh! I like that! Bubbles and joy!
Oh my goodness. Like wellness advice, I am inundated with too many opportunities for “good reads”. By sheer luck I saw your posting and now your remarks about the replies. All of it was spot on for me. One facet that has particularly been on my mind is how to navigate relationships with my adult children. Their lives are busy and they act as if they have “forever” to find the right time to visit, to ask interesting questions, to hear what I’m thinking about x, y, or z, to hear how I feel about the loss of friends. I feel grief about lost conversation opportunities slipping away but am also trying not to seem “needy”.
OMG! Same! I love and respect my adult children but, yea, they are busy all the time. I think back often to when I was at their stage in life and I wonder if my parents felt as what? Not really ignored but maybe sort of set aside as I do? Big difference is that I’m one of nine children but I have two. There was always someone on which my parents were focused. Me? Not so much. I’m delighted that my two are responsible and kind and that they have found wonderful partners. I do remember thinking that I had life more or less figured out back then…..little did I really know! I do practice staying in my own lane when it comes to my adult children’s lives. They get to do stuff however they want, no matter what my private thoughts might be. Someday they might understand my position when they are in a similar place🤷🏻♀️. In the meantime, I create a life for myself that leaves plenty of room for them when they need it/want it but also keeps me feeling alive in my own.
Love the character on the bench! What I’ve finally learned at 82 is that I can & will take my time with many daily actions, like finding my keys, getting in and out of my car, not rushing because someone is behind me in the grocery line, or the gas line, or at the cash register or wherever! I live with my son and his two teenage boys. It’s a grand arrangement in many ways. But the 17 yr old told my son that I drive like an old lady. And my son wisely said “Nana IS an old lady!” And I’m happy about that! I have dear friends, fun adventures, long conversations, lots of books to read & movies to see etc. I’m still healthy enough to be up and about, and finally smart enough to go at my own speed! So fun to share our stories here. ☺️ Cheers!
I want to come and be your friend (and your son’s friend - how understanding he is!). YOu sound as if you have got the aging thing down really well. I can follow your example. BTW, I spent some of my career teaching in a multi age classroom (K-2) - such an amazing and rewarding ten years. I am and will always be an advocate for children.
Thank you! Not many if any writers honor our comments. 😊 I loved what you wrote!
And the photo at the end made me laugh.
PS - my mom lived to be almost 94 & she didn’t want to live that long. She didn’t go to the gym. She walked and ate a fairly healthy diet and had a multiple vitamin every morning with her V-8. And, she continued to enjoy her afternoon glass of sherry everyday and her light daily smoking habit. Even so, she wasn’t able to shorten her life with these “bad” habits.
It must have been her genes and all those crossword puzzles she loved to do.
The thing is, the comments that people posted were so valuable to me. So many people put some genuine thought into responding to what I had written. I wanted them to know that I appreciated the time and effort to comment. Their words mattered to me.
I felt like that photo added some whimsy to the piece, right? We have to chuckle. I live in a funky small town that has lots of public art. A lot of it makes me smile. Happy to share.
Bolinas?
Good guess - Sebastopol - the home of funky art, aging hippies, and lots of casual music venues
Or maybe the sherry and the snooze!
😂 LOL
You nailed it again. Joy and laughter are my two guiding lights. And you have inspired me to start writing again and putting out my thoughts in this platform. Thank you.
I see we both follow Jill Badonsky - SHE’S an inspiration! Good luck with the writing .
Yes. I took her creativity coaching class in 2013. She is brilliant.
"You can't dismiss it. You can't outsmart it. You can only learn to live alongside it." That's the whole truth of it. The grief doesn't interrupt the list. It's what the list gets written on top of.
Well said. Thank you.
Great wisdom ….from an 80 year old. Finding joy and balance is the key. My new goal (from your article) ADAPTION! You made my day. Thank you. 🫶🏼
Thank YOU for reading. I have a feeling that at 80 you are already mastering adaptation.
I appreciate how you’ve captured the detail of your experience without losing the flow of your story. That is what has drawn us here. That’s hard to do.
Thank you!
Thank you Gracie for initiating this discussion. I’d much rather learn from those of us experiencing aging rather some young “expert.” I appreciate the information we have available to us because it offers us choices but it can be a lot to sift through. It’s nice to have a community for sharing information and experiences.
Yes! I can keep trying on new identities until I die! And who knows? Maybe even after I die?
I agree. I love the way you say try on new identities. Then when we realize one doesn’t really fit us — well, oops! Figure out a different one that does. Not sure about after, but we are still living now, so we are still evolving. I enjoy the process, at least most of the time.
I think identity can be transitory. Perhaps our core identity doesn’t change a lot over the course of our lives but there are many sides of ourselves that present over time. Some qualities last a long time and others fade out when they are not needed or not the right fit anymore. I like the process too, most of the time too.
I agree! I’ve enjoyed reading these comments and it really has allowed me to consider some different behaviors. For example, I opted out of the tai chi class this week . I only started going about a month ago but I wasn’t particularly liking it , only going b/c I thought I needed more balance practice and more meditation practice. I’ll do those things on my own when I want to and not when I have to go to a class.
Ugh! Glad to hear you are giving up the class if you don’t like it. I tried yoga many times. I know it’s really good for you, but I really really dislike it. I finally admitted I was not going to be a yoga person. I don’t do true meditation either. Even when I have my reflecting time, I sometimes walk. I think we have to do what actually makes our life better not the prescription of what is supposed to make it better. Not everything is for everybody. Maybe you’re going to become a rule breaker - ha, ha!
And both my adult daughters loved your piece on "Aging Well is Exhausting." So did I.
I haven’t shown it to my two adult children (40ish) - I think they would roll their eyes b/c they are so far away from the experience I am having.
My two “girls” are in their early 60s! Starting to identify!
I bet they are! Mine are just too wrapped up in that frantic stage of life called 40’s….
Just subscribed and recommended your post. Enjoying your balance of the real challenges of aging along with the benefits. I suspect we're neighbors (almost).
Gracie, I may memorize your last sentence: "What I want is to enjoy the days I have while I have them." And appropoe today is the old Blues lyric: Ya gotta laugh to keep from crying. I love your writing.
Thank you, Roy! Laughing sometimes can really turn the course of a day. I need to do more of it!
Thank you Gracie. I also related to all the learnings. My question is "how open hearted and grace-full" am I being right now about whatever feel compelled to do or be? Political action, exercise, meditation, loving my neighbor, saying yes to my kids for granddaughter care, even grieving...? I love the exercise. Open hearted grace-filled moments. Otherwise it's all hogwash. What a great conversation.
What a wonderful question to ask of yourself! I am struggling today with just the detritus of life. How do I turn that into an open hearted, grace filled moment or day?
Such an awesome question! I love your writing and how you’re using it to create community. I have decided to commit to Maya Pops’s CWC for now.
I might include two other things. First, a question a friend gave me: for what was I given this thing that I wouldn't wish on anyone else? (I find that it reframes the process of forgiveness to focus on what I might learn.) Second, gratitude. Takes a lot to get to be our age. Thank you for your insights and invitation. More, please.
Yes, Steven, I’m always looking to learn . Sometimes I forget that I have to reframe the question . Not “Why?” But “What is this experience teaching me?”
And gratitude? It goes w/o saying that I have been given so much. Sometimes I get bogged down b/c the day (or the life) isn’t unfolding as I wanted it to. It’s always valuable to pause and name that for which I’m grateful.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I thought of you guys as I walked by your AirB&B this morning. I hope all is well down there!